Shardae1

I'm not sure.. I'm just sitting here really... Trying to find something valuable to do with my time. I realized that I haven't been on Deviant Art since 2009 and I was curious to revisit with my work. It always good to see how far you've come as a writer, but to be honest, I'm not sure I've grown. What kind of writer can only write when they are inspired, or have some kind of personal muse? I'm wondering if maybe writing isn't my thing altogether. I'd be very interested to hear people's thoughts on this.. Have you ever felt like writing isn't for you?

I started out really upset about my financial situation. But now I see that I'm being selfish, there are so many people out here who don't have half of what I do. It is hard for me right now, but for so many other reasons that no one but I can understand. I think I shower myself with materialistic things because it covers up the hurt and the pain of living everyday life. So, how do I get past the materialistic cover-ups? What do I use as therapy if I don't have the financial means to cover up my pain? There has to be another way to be happy and grieve and relieve stress..

I am extremely shocked and irritated about what men say about women,if they took the time to get to know us in the inside maybe they wouldn't say some of the sexist things that they do. After being in a room full of them and listening to what they really think of us, it makes me question whether or not any of the ones I've been with really even care for me. It's quite sad to only be thought of as a piece of ass, or even worse nothing at all. Apparently because I am none of the potentials whores or bitches(as they call us) I was no longer in the room as they went on disrespecting our minds and bodies. I am a woman if they forgot, and I do deserve respect just as well as any other woman. I would have appreciated if they could have had there little sexist conversation somewhere else. Instead while I'm writing a very important paper for english, they continued to be loud and rude, and even proceeded in saying that if bitches think that all men are full of shit then they should fuck bitches, I don't wanna say its a road I wanna take but right now a bitch looks real good. I'm saddened by the fact that I may never fell truly respected by a man. They all might not be like that, but some men just make all men look real bad.

Today in vocal jazz, we recieved a new piece called when I fall in love. I dunno why, but in the middle of the song I just stop because I am working so hard to keep the tears in side. I just can't seem to separate the two emotions, performing and connecting.

I am writing a rant right now, just becuase I am so irritated with a few of peers and their sorry ass forth effort. People are so damn lazy but always want someone to do something for them. They can always do everything thats fun, but they can never do the work it takes to do something productive. I hope one day the people who should pay the piper will, and the ones that work hard will get the things that they deserve.